Growing Up

I find it ironic that once again, in October, death has made itself present. I do not think I need to say who passed away, nor how I am related to such a situation. If you know me, you know who I speak of. And he needs all the support we can give him.

Think back to this past week. What were you doing? What were your complaints, your rants, your fears? How many of them have probably now since passed, with only you to realize they were "not so bad after all?" I know I make this point a lot, about people complaining, about how I despise those who say "my life sucks" all the time. But it hit me as hard as anything has ever hit me this past week. And I do not regret that it did. I am forever grateful for such a reality check.

A friend, a close friend, one of my best friends, a person I admire, and a person I can say I love (without it being gay), lost someone this week. Again, you know it if you are meant to know it. If you do not, then perhaps this message will still ring clear to you.

One of the hardest things I have had to do was watch this sequence of events unfold to him. And he had to handle it. And of course how do we as humans expect the "strong" to handle it? With dignity, with grace, with no reaction, to show our "strength?" No. I say to you no. This friend, this man, lost perhaps one of his dearest friends, one of his beloved. And he took it; he took it hard. It broke him, it ate him up inside, it tore him apart. And how should we look upon this, as I see it, tragedy? We should honor him, love him, help him, respect him. For he loved that person so much, he cared for him so strongly, that his heart took over. I can only hope that that person, whom he was there for, well, I can only hope I garner a fraction of as much love and respect as he clearly had, and will have as long as we keep that man's memory. All rationale, all logic, all irrelevance, faded. What mattered to my friend most mattered to him most. And we saw that; and it was all for the better.

For those of you who have experienced this, including me, you know what you feel, what you felt. I can say that though those experiences seem "bad," and tragic, to us, I feel they are the essence of life. They are what defines us. For it is how we handle those situations, how we show ourselves during the hard times, that defines us. It is easy to say we will do one thing "when the time comes," but it is ever so much harder to fulfill that oath. Whatever strength we have is revealed, and our naked personalities are shown for the whole world to see. So it is those times that mean everything. And it is times like these when all those emotions come fleeting back, as we place ourselves back in that same position we were not so long ago. Yet we cannot be so self-centered, for it is the people we love that need our support. Our own demons, our own fears, they do not have a place in this time. It is only our job, our duty, to support.

I say these things, because I am partially angry at myself. To have complained so much about an Economics midterm, to have been angry at why my eBay item had not shipped; such material, self-centered thoughts they were. And then I saw it, I felt it. He had gone, not more than a week ago, and I wondered where he had gone, when in reality, I think it was all too clear. He literally dropped everything to be there for his loved one in that person's time of struggle; he sacrificed free time, classes, tests, perhaps (though I have faith he will maintain his excellence) grades, all at a moment's notice. I only wish I were so close, so respectful, of someone. When I found out personally, the first thing I could think of, was prayer. I don't really care what your views are on death, on religion, on life, but that is the first thing I did. I told him I would pray for him, and his family. And I did; immediately. And I would do it for anyone, at any time of struggle. It seems that even his hardships helped to once again define me; I remembered who I was.

And ultimately, I realized how amazing, how mature, how selfless he truly was, is, and will be. It is he who needs our support now. And that I will give him.