Too Many Endings

Tonight, or I suppose, this early morning, I have found myself (to my surprise) unable to sleep and pacing the dark, quiet hall of my new (and much nicer than last year) apartment. Too much thinking, too much anxiety, too much...ending. Multiple things ended tonight, or this week even, and, as has always been the case with me since I can remember, I am a little sad. I guess it's just the fact that I don't want to leave this comfort level to begin what will be another crazy year. But even after tomorrow, I know I won't feel like this. I know I'll be okay. But it's that anticipation and anxiety. You probably know, at least somewhat, of what I am talking about.

I mean, the Olympics ended tonight. What am I going to watch now? But it also reminds me of how I rooted for every freaking American during it, and 95% of them I had never even heard of before. It's just sad to see such an awe-inspiring and captivating two weeks come to a close. But I mean, that's what makes the Olympics great, right? It's only two weeks long, and it only happens every four years (I'm speaking of Summer for the time being). Think about when the next Summer Olympics will occur, and how life will be SO incredibly different (if everything goes according to plan I'll be a...pharmacist...WEIRD). Ah it's freakin' me out thinking about it!

And also, summer comes to a close. As we get older, that "summer vacation" becomes shorter and shorter. Think back to the days of elementary school, when those summer months meant no work, playing outside all the time, swimming, and beach vacations. Now it's come down to where is the best internship, will I make enough money for the school year, and when can I move back in? Ah to reminisce...listen to me, I sound like an old man. I really need to get out more.

And one more thing ended this week. This topic has already been written about by Mike White, but not the same Mike White that is punching the keys at this very moment. John Challis finally lost his epic battle to cancer. But "lost" is such a negative word, and doesn't really do justice to the good that this kid, rather, this man, did. When all is said and done, when all my bitching and whining comes to a close, there is John Challis' message. Courage+Belief=Life. Truer words have never been spoken.

And how does Challis' message factor into our lives? Well it does so in a very real and immediate way. When things end, when we must make that jump to start something new, we feel vulnerable; we feel scared. But if we are confident, and take that step with our head up, we are halfway there. Once we are into that new and more difficult situation, and we allow ourselves to accept the vulnerability and fight it, if we believe that we can keep going, then we will. But we can never lose either courage or belief; for if one fails, then we fail. And that is the ultimate loss.

So in the end, it's all for the better. We're all in that same boat (ha boat). I sometimes feel like I write from a pedestal, trying to sound all pretentious and philosophical (and coming off as an idiot), but I just write the thoughts I would never verbalize to anyone. So you and me, me and you, I think we're both pretty similar, whatever I am and whoever you are. And Mr. Challis? Well I think we all know he's sitting right up there with the best that have ever lived. The best at anything.

But don't take my word for it. Read the story here (there is also an earlier one, the original, here). Respond, email, or don't. Just keep that message with you.

Here's to new beginnings wow so cheesy yes I know this is a run-on sentence I'm going to be a pharmacist so you know what fuck English hells yeah...