Just Some Thoughts

Alright, Nation. I don't really have a specific cause this time. I know. It's March, and Valentine's Day has long since past. Of course, I'm talking the ever intriguing, always quirky, love.

I'm not going to try to answer the impossible, "What is it?" It's different to everyone. Obviously. But I know what I've seen, I know what I've been through, and I know what I want to happen. I've been "in love" twice, I believe (three if you count Uma Thurman, but that'll always be there). I know, critics. "You can only be in love once!" I disagree wholeheartedly. I know I've felt it, twice, with 2 different people. I know what it feels like, and it cannot be described completely. But what I had, even though it did not last, I feel I did WANT it to last. It didn't work out. It may never work out. Or it might. I don't know. But what I had, that's what I want, but with a few more things that I may not have had before.

I want her to support me, I want her to understand what I want, and I want to understand what she wants. I want her to be interesting, I want her to be funny, I want her to appreciate my humor and the way I do things. I want her to have a goal in life, I want her to be steadfast, I want her to care. I want her to like movies, I want her to at least cope with the fact that I am a gamer, I want her to be fond of music. I want her to be beautiful. I want her to fight back, I want her to be a little different, but I want her to be very close to me in the end. I want her to know what I mean by talking in my Stewie voice. I want her to know who Beatrix Kiddo is. I want her to be happy. I want to be happy. But most of all, I want to be absolutely and totally comfortable when I am with her. I want it to seem like it was always that way. And I want it to stay that way.

So, I guess I felt a lot of these things, but not all of them, twice. The thing that makes the whole single game difficult is seing others in relationships. But I will tell you, it is almost impossible to start something new in the Freshmen year of college. It's virtually impossible. Especially with the whole Pharmacy thing going on. However, it is most difficult at times when your two best friends are in probably the best relationship. Sure, there are fights, many of them, some can seem stupid, but deep down, it is quite evident that each one means something to them. And even in the most drastic of circumstances, both want to keep it going. They can't imagine life without each other, but they WANT to keep it that way. It is equal, it is quirky, it is almost perfect. THAT is what I want. I want to know the person inside and out, and I want to know what it feels like to have whatever it is they have.

And have I found that yet? No. Definitely not. I don't know. I may never find it. Will someone feel that way about me? It is hard to believe a person exists who would. But I want to find her. Maybe not right now (being single is a little interesting, and fun, I must admit). Right now, maybe dating is the best thing. But I want it. Eventually.

Don't worry, Ms. Thurman, you will always be in my heart...