X-Men III Review

Ok, let's just get this straight: Jean Grey is the shit. I mean, yeah she's evil, but, wow...she is awesome.

X-Men III tells the story of the final war between humans and mutants (or so you think...). All of the originals return, except for Nightcrawler, which sort of made me mad. Anyway, Wolverine, Iceman, Jean Grey of course, Magneto, Charles Xavier, Mystique, and others return, along with a few newcomers such as Colossus and The Juggernaut (bitch!). Anyway, the story goes that Jean Grey apparently survived the huge ending of X2, but she's now unleashed her true personality, the Phoenix. This is an evil side that lusts for power. She then sides with Magneto's gang in their attempt to destroy a boy who renders mutants' powers null and void. The humans then harness this boy's ability and use it as a "cure" for mutants. Of course, Magneto is greatly offended, so the war between the bad mutants and the humans is on. Xavier, however, wants to stop the bad mutants. Whatever the case, it's good versus evil, and you'll see it.

So, the movie. It was...ok. I don't really think it was as good as X2. X3 definitely has way more action, but less emotional focus. I really liked the path X2 began to go on, but X3 kind of takes a step back in that department. First off, let's go over the acting. This is pretty good, actually. Jean Grey is the obvious crux of the movie, so Wolverine's love (Cyclops dies...hope that wasn't too huge of a spoiler) kind of comes out. Wait, before I go on, the one HUGE problem I had was that Cyclops dies, but everyone kind of forgets about it. He is a huge part of the movie franchise, and when he gets killed, no one cares? Whatever. Anyway, where was I, ahh yes. Acting. The Juggernaut of course is, without a doubt, THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH. This was a huge ploy for the now popular internet movie, but I still loved it. And Mystique was quite good, until she, well, wasn't. You'll see what I mean. There are cliches and cheesy lines, along with a fair share of overacting and overly tense moments. But, it's a summer action movie so it's forgivable. Was anyone really expecting an Oscar worthy performance?

The directing was...good. It wasn't outstanding or terrible; it got the job done. The biggest part of the movie comes in the visual effects, and there are TONS of them. Anyway, the tons that are there are really well done. It really is getting harder and harder to distinguish between CG and real life. I think, by far, my favorite part occurred in the house, with Jean Grey going crazy. In the middle of it, time slows down and kind of gives a view of everything going on. It is an amazing shot. So the visual effects were excellent. I would say that they are about on par with Revenge of the Sith, though not quite so many.

The script is...typical summer action movie. Again, I really expected more, but I guess the new director wanted more bang. It's just that sometimes I wish that there would be dialogue other than what is EXTREMELY relevant to the plot. Just kind of, act like you're not acting. Oh well. There are also so many cliches and typical movie things that they just come off as a little cheap. The veteran actors, such as McKellan and Stewart, really elevate the script though, which is a nice touch. And might I say Ian McKellan is starring in THE two biggest movies of these months, which is pretty amazing, considering he is probably the best actor in both of them...save for Janssen (Grey). I still loved her role in this movie...it really is, to be blunt, so badass.

Love it or hate it, it's X-Men. It's fun, it will keep you more entertained than The Da Vinci Code, and it's quite explosive. Would I say it's worth $8.75? No probably not. But a matinee of $6.00? Yeah, probably.

3/5

The Da Vinci Code Review

Ok, let's get this straight. This book has been on the bestseller list for literally YEARS. It is detailed to the max, yet much of which is visual. Those who have read it know it from cover to cover. So how could they make such a dull movie?

The Da Vinci Code is the story of a murder, which Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), a Harvard symbologist, finds out he must investigate. Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou), a cryptographer for the French police, also gets involved. The man murdered was her grandfather. The two go together on a crazy adventure that leads them through the mystery of "The Holy Grail," which the movie claims to be the descendants of Jesus, and also Mary Magdalene's sarcophagus. The movie attempts to show that Jesus married Mary Magdalene, and descendants thus ensued. Also, a bishop and an Opus Dei albino monk (though Opus Dei in real life does not have monks) named Silas are also involved, as well as an English scholar named Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellan).

First, let us get this nonsense out of the way. This movie, and the book, are FICTION. The tiny insert the book has that shows what is FACT is the only thing that is stated to be FACT. Therefore, nothing else is technically true in the novel, as well as in the movie. The book, but the movie especially, will not corrupt you in any way, shape, or form, nor will it cast a huge shadow on your faith, if you so happen to have one. Please, I beg you, do not take it so literally. It is a fictitious story. It did not really happen. It is all a big theory that not only has never been proved, but is also regarded by many scholars (including Grail enthusiasts) as a kind of off-beat, comical theory.

Anyway, the movie is, to be completely honest, very disappointing. Though, this could be due to the fact that the book is so engrossing. But with such a license as The Da Vinci Code, one would think that a better movie could come out. I guess not.

Tom Hanks is downright boring in the movie. Robert Langdon is a man of charisma who loves what he does. In the movie, he is just a dull nerd who suddenly begins to defend Christianity, which is also another fault of the movie. Robert Langdon was just as enthusiastic about finding the Grail as was Teabing, in the book of course. In the movie, he actually defends Christianity, sort of saying, "No offense," to those who cannot handle the good story. Also, Hanks does not do ANYthing with the character. He is VERY flat and does not stand out in any way. Audrey Tautou is a little better, but not much. I must say she does look the part and the accent fits well. However, where is her personality? What happened with her story of her grandfather? Again, she stays pretty much under the radar. Though, she does have a few witty remarks and actions (see the end) that sort of, but not really, allow you to like her.

By far the most faithful and best character is Teabing, and I mean acting wise, certainly not visual wise (he was chubby with red hair in the book). His charisma shines, and his enthusiasm for anything Grail really holds true to the book. Silas is also quite well done, though his story is not fleshed out enough. Prepare to get lost if you haven't read the book.

I also must admit that some of the camera work is pretty good. But with writing as dull and listless as is given, there really wasn't much to work with. I found myself getting uncomfortable and wanting to go do something at some points. It really didn't keep me as engrossed as I'd hoped.

Another big problem with the movie is that it strays just a bit too far from the book. This creates problems twofold. First, since many will have read the book, those people will notice the differences. Langdon's defense of the church is the biggest mistake in that it changes the whole dynamic of the movie. It is not some conspiracy, like the book presents it. Rather, it is a myth that might be, but probably is not, true. Second, if people have NOT read the book, they will find themselves EASILY lost on many of the plot points. Most will wonder why Silas is digging up the church. They really do not give a good reason why. So, if you don't know the story, you will be lost.

Was it a case of expecting too much? Perhaps. Nevertheless, if, Ron Howard, you are blessed with license such as this, it is almost your duty to adhere to it and make it very good. Don't change it if it isn't broken. And the fact is, the book wasn't. Seriously, go read the book. I mean, the movie works; it's not COMPLEtely broken. I guess the ending scene was pretty cool. But, with the source material at such a higher level, it's hard to look at this and say "Yeah, that's about right." It's too dull and a bit too slow. I just kept wanting more and it really never delivered. It kind of just said, "Ok, here's the movie, whatever..." almost like it didn't care.

I really did not want to agree with most critics. But the fact is they are all pretty much right. Is it a waste of eight bucks? Yes, if you have read the book. Can you make sense of the movie without reading the book? Probably not. Therein lies the dilemma.

I think I have exploded the truth pretty much...

2/5

Conversation.

The phone sat right there, by the computer. And for some reason, as we all know, when you set down a phone by the computer, it's just BEGging to ring. Whether you want it to do so is out of the question; it does regardless. Anyway. Instant messenger was of course running, because sometimes you really don't want the hassle of actually talking to someone.

All of a sudden, the computer screen begins to get those lines, you know the ones. The ones when your phone is sitting, right there, and the computer is getting the interference from the phone.

Did I mention it was a cell phone? Good.

The tune of "Pump It," as such a quintessential ringtone, blasts because I never bothered to turn the volume down from "Are your ears bleeding yet?"

I pick up the phone, rather gingerly, for I had not been expecting a call. An unknown area code presents itself. All I remember is that it started with an 8, and I have NOThing but contempt for area codes that begin with 8. But, I thought, I suppose I could endulge my cellular device this once.

Flipping open the phone, I put the receiver to my ear.

If you were wondering, whenever I open the phone it automatically answers.

"Yes?"

HA!..."Hello" is too antique.

Only the sound of a man with a slightly Midwestern accent would come over the other end.

"Is Bernard there?"

Now I know what you're thinking. Just how on Earth did someone get MY number confused with Bernard's?

For the record, the accent was on the "Ber-" part, not the "-nard." Try saying it out loud to figure it out.

With sarcasm that would freeze over Dante's Inferno, "Ummm....No."

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, I must have the wrong number. Sorry."

The irritation in his voice permeated the air only slightly. But it was there. You could tell.

But it filled my heart with glee to know that not only was he sorry, but terribly so. TERribly so. Ha ha...I chuckled.




But come on...BERnard?

It's like that ride.

Recently I discovered the undisputed truth of life: it's a roller coaster, in every form and shape.

Of course, you are expecting me to go on about some recent trouble that suddenly resolved itself only to wind up in another trouble. This is sometimes the case. Rarely, however, do people refer to "good times" with the whole "roller coaster" analogy. Because, if you enjoy a good roller coaster as much as I do, then you of course know what I mean.

Most recently, I visited the undoubtedly greatest amusement park to ever grace the world, Cedar Point. And I experienced what they call the Top Thrill Dragster, now the second highest roller coaster in the world only to be blocked out by Kingda Ka only by a mere 36 feet (when Top Thrill Dragster eclipsed the Millenium Force, it did so by 110 feet...do the math). It has also been downgraded to the second fastest in the world by a shocking 4 miles per hour (Kingda Ka goes 128...ooooooooo). The statistics show that Top Thrill Dragster is the second highest and second fastest, yes, however it operates almost 50 percent more efficiently than does Kingda Ka...yes that includes the Dragster's most frequent delays.

Numbers aside, the story begins. Peering up at the massive structure, if you ever do see it, you will have to strain your neck. It looks almost too high to be fathomed, too high to be touched, too high over which to go, for that matter. And yet, it stands. You look at it, and you accept the challenge. It goads you on, entices you with its majesty. So, you begin your long treck down the endless winding queues. Along the way, you are most definitely going to observe and eventually meet your fellow riders, whether they stand in front or in back of you. You listen to their conversation, have conversations with your own riding companion, and feel a sort of innate connection. You can't help but wonder with whom you'll be riding. Will it be the loud, fat man eating two hot dogs? Or will it be the beautiful, yet (you know) self-centered dame hanging off of her boyfriend, constantly gracing his mouth with hers? Or might it possibly be the one person, about your age, who seems an awful lot like you? But really, does that even matter? You wait in line for, oh anywhere between an hour and two, though you would swear it took years and years. And finally, FINALLY you stand on the platform, and the gate opens. However, therein lies the rub. For the ride has broken down, a system failure perhaps. No matter, someone will come and fix it. Of course, this takes another half hour, bumping up your anticipation to its fullest. Finally, it is fixed, and you lower yourself into the seat. You strap yourself in and prepare for what you know will be the ride of your life. The whole track appears before your eyes and you see on what you are about to embark. Though many have gone before, you know that your journey will be unique. The train starts slowly out of the station (and for those of you unaware, this is a launch coaster). It comes to a small halt just before launch. Sweat drips from your forehead. You grip the handles of your harness tightly. You wait for those lights to signal go. And then you're off, traveling at a speed you will probably only realize once, and you climb the hill slowing a bit, but climbing ever so, and you come to the top, hoping you will make the hill, and you do, and the descent, oh the descent!, is the best part; you float to the bottom and come to a rest. The ride is over, you disembark, but you look back. You look back on that huge structure. You are satisfied, knowing the odds of you getting on again that day are about seven trillion to one. It breaks down again, and it closes for the day. But in the end, you are satisfied.

How's that for a metaphor?