Saturday, March 25, 2006

V For Vendetta Review

"Remember, remember, the 5th of November." V For Vendetta is not a fun movie. It's not a date movie. It's a deep, engrossing work that will keep you either interested or put off. Much like the Wachowski brothers' trilogy, you will hate it or love it.

V For Vendetta stars Natalie Portman as Evey, a young woman who gets caught up in V, played by Hugo Weaving. A few others play pretty significant roles, like John Hurt as the totalitarian Chancellor Sutler, but you will really only care about V and Evey. The story revolves around Evey and V, but moreso Evey, from the night she watches V blow up an old building, sadistically allowing the 1812 Overture to play as he "conducts," to the night she allows the train to blow up Parliament again to the loud, bombastic 1812. The story is...wow...I'm not going into detail. Basically, V is considered a terrorist by the oppresive regime of Chancellor Sutler. The hunt is then on for V, which consequently involves Evey. V is killing people who are all inter-related. You will see how in the movie, considering that is pretty much the main plot point. So the government hunts for V by any means necessary, with killings, interrogations, and cover-ups abound.

Weaving's portrayal of V is absolutely awesome. He is the coolest, most intelligent, badass character ever created. I loved his use of exquisite vocabulary and utter intellectualism. He has one liners, but he also quotes Shakespeare. I LOVE it. However, I love his karate and knife wielding even more. The "big kill" scene, so as not to spoil it entirely, is sensational. Using slowmotion to portray V's undeniably superhuman speed is a brilliant tactic by director James McTeigue. The Wachowski brothers' screenplay allows V to be the awesome character he is. Natalie Portman further delivers with her exquisite emotion that she puts into her role. She not only plays a beaten prisoner well, but she also gives off a strong, brave, and valiant vibe as she assists V. And John Hurt's Hitler-like oppressiveness comes off as nothing but perfect. Everyone else is, well, forgettable (except for the priest...)

So the question is, does this movie attack Bush? In a way, yes. There are certain references, such as the bagged heads, that really do point to him. Do I believe that everything we have done is absolutely right? No. Do I believe that Bush and his administration are the sole blame, as most believe? No. 9/11 changed America. I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but Osama had been planning that for years. If you weren't so busy getting...pleasure...maybe you could have at least seen that. But I digress. The fact is, I saw the movie more blaming the people for what happened rather than more the government. They make the government look like the bad guy that everyone loves to hate, but it was interesting that people were portrayed as passive, lazy, and downright stupid. I believe more of the blame is placed on them, and V points that out many times. Also, I thought of the government more as Nazi Germany rather than the current U.S. The army had red bands around their arms; they experimented on people; they tortured and performed mass killings. Granted, I would be considered by most to be a conservative, but I really wasn't offended by the movie. The fact is the movie takes oppression and censorship to such an extreme that it becomes a little hard to compare to real life. One also must look at the protagonist. He wears a mask (the whole movie...the WHOLE movie) that is not only sadistic but funny at sometimes. It is appropriate that this be based off a graphic novel. You can see little bits of it come through (not so much as, say, Sin City however).

With all the political hubbub and MTV's undying support for anything anti-government, I think people should look at the movie as a MOVIE. It's a bloody good movie. The dialogue, as I said, is sharp but to the point. The action, when it's there, it's brilliant and well-oriented. V is one of the coolest characters ever created, and Evey is a brilliant foil (almost) for him. I wanted more plot and more stuff, and the movie delivered. I strongly urge that you go into this with an open mind. Don't just think about the hidden messages; try to enjoy it. As I said, though, it's not necessarily "fun." However, I still enjoyed it. It employs sadistic situations, one of my favorite movie gimmicks. Basically, I mean there is something very serious happening while the music is pretty much at the opposite end of the spectrum. Tarantino obviously does it a lot, and it is employed here as well. Also, the biggest draw to this movie was V's MASK. That thing is just plain badass. I mean, here's a killing machine wearing a delightful, smiling mask. And yet, you would almost argue that the mask moves. You could almost believe it shows emotion. Yet, that same annoying, paralyzingly creepy smile remains.

Delving deeper into unknown territory is the movie's literary achievements. There are allusions abound to Shakespeare. V's speech in the beginning uses brilliant alliteration (guess which letter) and higher vocabulary. But finally, the symbolism is absolutely exquisite. The final moment when the people remove the masks is just brilliant. And before that the parallelism between every scene is just cool. And of course, there's a bunch of foreshadowing, but you probably knew that.

The sound and visual effects are pretty awesome. The trail V's knives leave is stylish, and the explosions are, well, explosive. V's mask is utterly clean and perfect for pretty much the entirety of the movie, which adds to his coolness. The music as I said, can be as sadistic as it can be serious. And the sound effects and dialogue are pretty much perfect.

Nevertheless, there are always flaws. As I said, it does critique the Bush administration. The thing I don't like is that people will believe that everything that happens in this movie, happens now, which is not the case. Also, it does kind of advocate "terrorism for a cause." So, I don't really know what to think of that. The other problem is that sometimes, you'll feel you don't know what's going on. This can be attributed to the Wachowski's (see Matrix) sometimes too high end philosophical screenplay. However, it works mostly. Also, as I said, the dialogue is very to the point. You won't hear much of anything else besides what you need to hear, which sometimes annoys me. It's a little overly serious, but that's alright with this type of movie.

"A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having." You'll love it or you'll hate it. You'll be on the edge of your seat or you'll fall asleep. Bottom line, I loved it and would recommend it to anyone of age to see it. It's complex, brilliant, amazing, and, what I like most, was that it was intelligent. So, if you think you're intelligent enough, which, if you're reading this you probably are, then try it out. You might find yourself, like me, surprised.

4/5

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Funny Attempt.

Like is THE word of the future. Seriously though. Like is put in wherever the fuck you want it to go. I wouldn't be surprised, you know, "Do you swear to, like, the office of, like, the President of the United like States?" "Like, yes, you son of a bitch!" Yeah but...yeah...speaking of "yeah" that's becoming another popular one. Like (shit) have you ever talked to someone, let's say on the phoning machine, and always, ALWAYS at the end of the fucking conversation, the person goes,"OOOHH...but uhh...yeah..." like (fuck) holy shit they just took a dump and they are so relieved they just have to inform you, of their relief. "OOO yeah...yeah..." But back to "like"...I mean...I want to swap other words with it. How about...cumquat...you know...God that just sounds like the dirtiest fucking word on the planet...that and "masticate"...but anyway...so how about in a convo next time, just substitute every time you say "like," with "cumquat"...for instance "So what did you guys do last night?" "Cumquat, we, cumquat, fucked all night." And then of course your buddy responds, "That's, cumquat, fuckin' awesome!"

You know, when did someone decide upon "curse words." You know there was some gay, literally the most homosexual guy ever invented, sitting there. "Jeez...you know...even though "fuck" means 'sacred and holy' at this time...it just sounds dirty...no more fuck!" What if fuck originally meant holy and sacred? That would be funny to us now..."Fuck Jesu Domine, Dana Eis Requiem" See you might (strong MIGHT) be laughing now...but if it originally meant something like that...we would be like "Oh Religion is fuck..." Or my favorite semi-quasi curse word, piss...you KNOW that one was an onomatopoeia before it was a real word. Like whenever some awesome high school quarterback badass comes in...cuz he HAS A FUTURE...his drunk friend is also in the corner of the cottage, in which they are consuming the alcoholic beverages,...emptying his bladder...and it's going "piissssssssssssssss..." So of course the QB, who is fucking wasted, and high on the "reefer" as we in the big PGH like to call it...and I do pronounce P-G-H "PGH"...he just stood there...now this is in like the 1900s AT LEAST...whenever high school football was invented...he just stood there and was like "Dude, why are you "pissing"? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....because, obviously, that was the most fucking hilarious thing ever...so then...the parents come down...Mom is like "Were you two drinking?" Meanwhile the Dad is telling his kid, "Drink beer, like a fuckin' man!" Mom comes in..."Gary," for some reason it's always Gary, "They are only 18...they can't drink yet." The QB's friend is laughing...and I probably would have too...at the sole fact that the mother had to INFORM the others about this previously unknown law...and anyway...the QB is like "Piss...it means, cumquat, to pee, man..." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AHAH AH AHA ...Ha...ha...oooooooohhhhh....yeah....

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Extravagance Upon Extravagance.

Of course many of you will be (and depending on when you read this may already have) watching this year's Academy Awards. Now, as most of you, meaning the three people that read this, know, I love movies. I love watching them and I love reviewing them. Now, it's most of the stars that I just can't stand. There are so many things about the Academy Awards that bug, irritate, and infuriate me.

First, let's start off with E!'s coverage of the Red Carpet. Wait wait wait...we need to "cover" this? What happens? Okay, I am literally going to go over what exactly happens on the Red Carpet.

1. The people walk into the Kodak Theater.

Hold on...THAT'S IT! So we need a full day's worth of COVERAGE in order to COVER the people who are going in to the place where they are supposed to be going. Oh and don't worry, the most useless person on the planet, noted for his AMAZING hosting of American Idol (I didn't know that two dozen people and three judges and all the producers needed yet ANOTHER person), Ryan Seacrest, will ask such jaw-dropping questions as "So how long did it take you to get on this $250,000 dress? Ten minutes?" To which Ms. Whoeverthefuckitis will recall the ENTIRE day's events, none of which involve her doing anything for herself. But you know what, this is more important than, hmm, let's say I don't know, what the FUCK is going on in Iraq, or Darfur, or how about in our own backyards?

Oh, oh, then there is the "gift bag" that the stars receive as a LITTLE "Thank You" for going through so much. Thanks to some great work by some blogger I don't know, here's what you can find in this year's "Thank You":

For the third year in a row, the bag is weighted down with an amazing Canadian travel package:

-stays at the Opus Hotel in Vancouver and the Wickaninnish Inn in Tofino

-dinner at five restaurants: Elixir, West, Coast, Pointe, Shelter

-yoga sessions, spa treatments

-kayaking in Clayoquot Sound, a scenic flight to a remote lake

-and always my personal favorite: two Oxia Oxygen Personal Canisters Gaiam Gift Certificate ($500)

Signature Days Gift Certificate ($500) "Experiences range from kite-boarding and a ride on an America's Cup Sailboat to spa treatments, yoga, personal chefs and private dance lessons."

Krups XP4050 Premium Pump Espresso Machine and illy's Limited Edition Pistoletto Foundation Espresso Cup Collection (Value: $600)

Vonage, The VTech Expandable Broadband Phone System. (Value: $550)

Two Night Stay in a Suite at The Carlyle, A Rosewood Hotel in New York (Value: $2,300)

Frette cashmere leather trimmed Voyage travel blanket (Value: $1,495)

Firefly mobile phone for kids

The Cheese Impresario at-home artisanal cheese experience for six. These events celebrate fine American artisanal cheeses and wines. The gift certificates are hand-printed on an antique letterpress from the early 1800’s on fine Italian paper.

Moonstruck Chocolates: Twelve truffles within a custom hand-crafted Thai silk and teak wood box. (Value: $100+) This is the second year in the bag for this Portland, OR chocolatier.

The Loved Dog: Personal Training gift card, 3-night stay at Doggie Daycare, and a Luxury Dog Bed. Tamar Geller, a renowned life-coach for dogs and their people, will introduce dogs and their companions to her innovative methods for creating a better relationship.

Tara & Sons pearl and diamond necklace

Mr. Handyman gift certificate for one day of service Four-night stay in the Vera Wang Suite at Halekulani Hotel, Waikiki Beach, a signature treatment at the famed SpaHalekulani, dinner for two at La Mer at Halekulani

Cornelia Day Resort "Unlimited Card" (worth $2,500), includes a $500 facial, massages, a whole range of beauty products and an entire day of beauty treatments Dinner party in Morton's Private Boardroom at any of their 69 restaurants (Value: $1500) (this item is a constant in the bag)

Kay Unger vintage silk kimono ($500)

year’s supply of Manni olive oil

two nights (plus surfing lessons) at St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, CA ($5,700)

two nights (plus wine tasting) at Bernardus Lodge in Carmel Valley, CA ($2,500)

three nights at one of five Fairmont Hotel & Resorts ($2500)

A BRUGO Travel Mug (featuring the Perfect Temperature Zone)


But hey...don't worry...the country isn't in deficit or anything. And, no, what were you thinking? There's no hunger in America. You know it amazes me just how hypocritical these stars can be. Let's see...they are ALL anti-Bush, anti-Government, and yet, they suck up BILLIONS AND BILLIONS AND BILLIONS. Oh, I'm sorry, sorry our soldiers get paid fractions upon fractions of what you do and yet THEY are out serving their country, risking their lives every day. What's the best you can do? Brokeback Mountain. Oh, and I know, it was SO nice of you to donate money to Katrina funds. How about you take ALL OF THAT SHIT that I just listed, return it, and put the funds to Katrina. HMMM? If you are such generous people, then by all means, this should be easy. But obviously, celebrities are much better than "normal" human beings. They deserve it.

One final thought: the "Thanks" speeches from the winners. Do we really, REALLY, need to listen to your ENTIRE life story. Oh, and you need to thank absolutely everyone who didn't help on your journey. That's right, didn't. Why do you just thank your family, God, and say "You know what...it's been fun. Thanks." BUT NO!!

But it's ok...(I know this is a terrible rapper's quote, but he's a celebrity just the same)...George Bush hates black people...