FINALly

If you're having trouble with the capitalization, it's "finally" with the "final" part capitalized. Now of course what's this discourse going to be about? Finals. But not just finals. Whenever something ends, something important, I feel the need to write about it. Who knows why, and who cares why. The point is I'm here, and if you're here, then strap yourselves in; it could be a bumpy ride.

Yes I know that's incredibly cliche just keep your thoughts inside your heads.

Alright so last year, end of first semester, I wanted to write about finals. But I thought no, that's not fair, I've only been through one finals week, I clearly don't have enough experience on the matter. Then, after second semester, I felt the urge again. Once again, however, I thought no, even though I've been through two, I've only been through one total year, so maybe I should wait. So then this year rolls around, and first semester, I get that urge (no not THAT urge...the writing urge...you perv) to go off on finals once again. But this time, I thought no, I've only had one semester of Organic Chemistry (also known as ochem, orgo, gaychem, fuckmyasschem, and stupid), I should wait till I get the full experience. So now, after two full years of school, and on the cusp of a sure-to-be smooth-sailing pharmacy school experience (let's all hold our breath on that one), I feel I can at least talk about finals and the end of the year with at least a little credibility. And this is even before I get my ochem 2 final grade back!

So here we go, things that are either A) sucky about finals week or B) for some reason good about finals week.

1. That damned advice you get from every "smart" person in the world.
So you're getting ready for finals week, and you're looking for some support. Now I know. "Mike, we're looking for help because we know no one will "support" because our lives suck WAAAAAAAAAAAAH." I know. Just hear me out. You're looking for someone that you can ask, "So what do you think the [insert subject or even better, a cool name for your subject like orgo which sounds an awful lot like orgy which, I can assure you, could not be farther from the truth] final will be like?" only to answer yourself with the ever popular "I mean I studied for like 20 hours so it should be ok. He can't possibly ask about [insert specific topic about aforementioned subject], could he?" Anyway, even after all that, you get a response. "I think it's gonna be okay. I mean, I would just review [insert topic here] a lot because it seems like that'll be the hardest thing." But then, you get that strange study tip that is either 1- (yes I switched to numbers) so cliche like "Look over the main topics" which we ALL know is so false because the teachers expect you to know everything they ever taught to you, ever, or 2- that incredibly weird study habit that works for them like "I write all the reactions (using a chemistry example...keep up!) on my eyelids so that when I blink I can see them for that tenth of a second." Now I know, great idea right? But what if you blink with your eyes open?!

2. The teachers' incredibly useless study tips.
Now here's where the teachers can also prove their wondrous worth during finals. So you ask them a question, whether in class or in an email or in bed (what?!), and they just give you that, "Well, I think if you really focus on the main topics, you should do well." Now we all know that this advice is really a bunch of flat-out bullshit. The professors have total free-reign to ask anything and everything, and they often exercise that privelege (it's not a right). They also feel the need to exercise the right to ask you questions that no one has ever seen before. Now I know. "But Mike, finals are supposed to test everything about the class!" But are they supposed to be impossible? Perhaps. But I submit that they should not be impossible. I mean, half of these tests look like that person you met once, you're sure of it, but he only looks slightly familiar and you surely don't remember his name.

3. The people who feel the need to act like they are in the final stages of death during finals week.
Guess what? EVERYONE HAS FINALS. Sure some people have more, some people have harder ones (that's what she said oh damn that would suck if she did), some people have easier ones, but here's the real kicker: no one knows who has easier what and blah blah blah. Everyone has them. Everyone thinks theirs are going to be the most difficult. So you know what? Worry about yourself. If you feel the need to tell people you have finals (let's say in an away message) that's fine...maybe you need to pump yourself up by comparing finals to sports (like golf)...but do not sit there and complain endlessly about how difficult your finals are, or how you will be "In the lib (short for library) FOREVER. Frown face or that face you make with the period and the slash...what would that be, discontent?" Regardless, I'm sick of your bellyaching, because guess what: EVERYONE ELSE IS IN THE LIBRARY TOO JACKASS. So instead of crying about it, why not take a deep breath, relax, and put up an away that might be funny or hopefully optimistic (hell yeah good descriptive emotion). Everyone's negative nowadays; you're no different.

4. Finals week is the most important week of the school year.
Now I've sat here, complaining (well I wouldn't call it complaining...more like pointing out faults in a pathetic attempt at humor) for the last, what, 5 minutes (is that how long it takes to read that stuff? I don't know...time yourself! You can even use your cell phone...I hear tell those things have stop watches and phonebooks and cameras nowadays). But you wanna know what I really think about finals week? First...I do really hate it. Not necessarily because of those aforesaid reasons (though those do contribute). But I hate it for the same reason everyone else does: it's hard, and it's not incredibly rewarding. You study your ass off so you don't fail, not so you win a prize or get paid to do it. And this is what really is the most compelling about finals week: it really defines people. Do you crumble under the pressure? Do you get over-confident and study far less than you know you need to? Or do you stand up and face the challenge? I'm sure everyone has done all of these and everything in between. But what I have found is that finals week brings out the true character of everyone. You know, they could easily just not have finals and just have a couple of non-cumulative (is there a word for that phrase) exams and homework to make up your grade. So why do they have finals? Because we need to know everything? Partially. But it's really to push us to our limits; it's to really slice and dice us as students to see who can keep up and who gets left behind. Sure there's help and study sessions and things like that. But who carries most of the burden? US. And if you've got the stones to stand up to it, if you've got the determination and concentration and some other -ation word I can't even think of, then you will pass, hell you might even do well. And you remember how I said it wasn't rewarding? Well tell me how you feel if you do well on finals. If that's not rewarding, I don't know what is. Finals force us to rely on ourselves and to push ourselves, and no one else, to learn what we didn't and to review what we forgot. We are held totally responsible. And I think you know it's incredibly satisfying when you succeed by yourself and on your own steam.

And for you high school kids who think you get what I'm saying (like I said, I've been through two years of college so I feel I have some credibility now), you don't. But you'll see (if you pass high school which, if you don't, is inCREDIbly pathetic).

Now I'm gonna go golf, you sit here and think of something to say...