Snakes On A Plane Review

In the beginning, there was Snakes On a Plane. The movie to end all movies. I mean come on. What more do I need to say?

Snakes On a Plane tells the story of a guy, Sean Jones, who witnesses a murder by a big mob boss, Eddie Kim, and then needs to testify in L.A. Nelville Flynn, Samuel L. Jackson in other words, is escorting Sean. However, Kim has other ideas. These include putting snakes on a plane to kill Sean. And all hell ensues. From the pilots dying to the air conditioning needing turned back on, there are many crises. Not to mention snake bites. But you already knew that.

This movie is, in one word, entertainment. It's pure, escapist, entertainment. Jackson is absolutely perfect for his role. I actually wished he could've screamed and ranted a little more. And yes, he does say the ever-popular "motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane." Let's see, all of the other characters are typical disaster stereotypes, from the innocent kids to the arrogant rich girl to the heroic Chinese kickboxer (okay, that's stretching it). So yes, all of the characters are here. And Julianna Marguilies actually makes her way as one of the stars of the film. The acting? Well it's overdone, but it's tastefully overdone.

The directing? Okay. Nothing to talk about. It makes it work. The visual effects aren't great, but they don't have to be. The music is overly dramatic, and a little annoying at some times. But it's not that bad, and it's overdone on purpose. My favorite is the "snake vision." You can only imagine what I mean.

The one problem I had with the film was its over-the-top-ness. I wish the film had, overall, more self-awareness. I mean, you could tell they were trying to make it a campy B film. But, I still had the feeling sometimes that it was trying to be a good horror film. And, to be frank, it's not. But it's not meant to be. I just wish the movie knew that. It needed to be more aware of itself, of its B movie-ness.

But overall, it did enough for me. I was surprised a little, by how much I actually enjoyed it. It's just fun, and it STAYS fun. Believe it or not, it doesn't drag. I just know I went in thinking, "Okay, I know there are snakes on a motherfucking plane, but I really don't think I'll stay interested for a little under two hours." But I did. And I am happy for it. Obviously, it's not a "good" movie. But it works for what it's intended, and it works very well. It's almost a current classic. Tough scoring, but Samuel L. Jackson really pushed it over the top for me. I almost can't believe the score I am giving it, but I really think it deserves it. Well done, Snakes On a Plane, well done.

Next up, Cats on a Subaru...

4/5

New York, New York.

Recently, I made a grand adventure of the great city we know as New York. My experiences numbered in the hundreds, from bargaining on the street, to seeing a woman with her shirt off playing a guitar. Now I know what you're thinking: well duh, it's New York. What should I have expected? However, there is one experience I do think is, well, a bit different from the norm. Or maybe two.

First, Chinatown. Try to find a samurai sword in Chinatown. Go ahead, I dare you. Seriously, it took me about, oh an hour to finally find a place (that did have quite a big selection.) The odd thing about Chinatown I don't understand: every store is the exact same thing. How exactly do, oh let's say one hundred, stores that sell luggage, jewelry, and knock-off handbags and purses stay in business? I just don't get it. So anyway, finally, FINALLY I find one store that seems to be selling Asian types of things. And, yes, oh sweet Lord yes, they have samurai swords. And I see one, one that is OH so familiar to me. Yes, it is the sword with the sarcastic, "To my brother Budd, the only man I ever loved." -Bill. Ah HA! I want it! I want it! And so I bought it. $40 well spent.

And next, my favorite and least favorite story at the same time. While stopping at the ever-inspiring World Trade Center, and paying tribute to the heroes of September 11, I noticed a man with a Mac computer, wearing a shirt that so wisely stated "I have questions about 9/11." His little device was playing some sort of movie about the attacks, so, interested, I took a gander and listened to what he had to say. From what I gathered, that is to say his exact words, were, "This is a point-by-point documentary explaining why the official story we were told can't be true." He then went on to say how the documentary shows how the buildings were imploded, basically that it wasn't terrorism.

Wait wait, now you're blaming the government, while not actually saying you're blaming the government? You're basically making a game out of selfless sacrifices that many New Yorkers gave? Coward? Check. "Enormously liberal" (in his own words)? Check. Selling the documentary for monetary gain? Check. A complete ass? ABSOLUTELY. Well, I could not stand for the debasing of such a solemn and sacred place.

I marched up to him. With a crowd of people listening intently, the conversation went a little something like this (oh yes, every sentence I spoke was with UTTER sarcasm).

(First I'd) "So what does this explain, exactly?"
(Then he'd) "It doesn't really take a conspiracy theory, but it explains why the story we were told cannot be true."
(Then I'd) "So, what story do you actually believe then?"
(He'd) "Just that the official story is not true. There is something else."
(Then, a few more parting shots) "I'm sure I know the answer to this, but what, political affiliation, are you exactly?"
(Of course he'd) "I am enormously liberal but-"
(I'd interrupt) "Exactly what I thought (he didn't hear this next part). Fucker."
I walked away.

Feels good to sometimes stand up for what you believe...