Paranormal Activity 3 Review

It's Halloween, well, it's close at least, and we have another installment of the what will surely be an annual series "Paranormal Activity" and surprisingly, they have kept up the scares to a great degree. There is a bit, or rather a lot, of "yeah this is exactly like the last two" but it still works. If you watch the first two, you still probably won't be able to sleep at night. The same goes for this sequel (unless of course, you go bar-hopping after).

This movie is a prequel to the prequel, as it were. If you watch the movies in numerical order, they are chronologically backward. The setting is 1988, and the two sisters who were the focus of the first two films, Katie and Kristi Rey, are children, living in yet another huge house. Seriously, they must be ridiculously rich to have these houses ESPECIALLY in California. Anyway, just like last time (or is it next time?) freaky stuff starts happening and the dude of the family decides it's a great idea to set cameras up and record hours of footage to see if they can catch whatever it is in the act. Of course, they do pick up crazy stuff, but this time it's a little different. We see the children conversing with an invisible figure named "Toby" (he's only a little scarier than Toby from "The Office") and interacting with him. In fact, Katie physically runs into the figure at one point and cannot pass through it. I cannot really explain the plot more for fear of completely spoiling the film, but trust me when I say that the last twenty minutes are perhaps the most frightening of all three films.

Once again, we get sort of realistic, "day to day" acting from all the characters. The children were surprisingly good and sometimes surpassed their adult counterparts as being more believable. I think as these movies go on, there are more contrived lines and moments, and we're getting a few too many repeat instances that are not as shocking as the first time you saw Paranormal 1. Still, they throw in some new scares and enough fresh ideas to keep it feeling new. I still have a problem with how they handle the whole "dad/husband/boyfriend investigating spiritual stuff" parts. These come off as completely fake and forced. I'm supposed to believe that they read these books for a couple minutes and instantly think, "Oh right, it's a demon because I randomly opened to the correct page. Oh and it feeds on our fear. Oh and it likes kids." Well then voila! That must be it. I almost would rather they leave these scenes out because they really take you out of the experience.

What's still great about this film is that it capitalizes more on what you don't see and more on your anticipation and anxiety rather than how much "scary" stuff can we throw on screen at once. The oscillating fan was a rather brilliant idea (although once again slightly contrived) to implement this method of off-screen anticipation. And again, this is why these are really the only movies that ever really "scare" me personally. It isn't about some CGI monster running around ripping people's heads off or how much blood and gore is on screen at once. It's about playing psychologically with your fears and what you think you might see as opposed to giving you exactly what you expect and hoping it scares you. As I said, it works.

But I really hope they either make this the last one or take a break for awhile (they won't). It just is starting to get a tiny, tiny bit stale. The sheets are moving again, what else is new. The doors are slamming on their own, seen it. If they took some time off at least then maybe come back with something else, perhaps a whole new storyline (because with how this ended I am not exactly sure how they'll continue on this one), it might have that same excitement as the first one. Also, and this is becoming more apparent than I ever realized, you might wanna see this at some other time than a Friday or Saturday night. There are so many "cool" people in theaters nowadays that just feel the need to act like they're above the movie or something like that and it annoys me. This goes with any movie really. If you're too cool for this movie, then don't waste my time or your money and just stay home and talk about how stupid the movie looks rather than saying it in the theater. Movies are meant to be watched virtually silently, without discussion or constant jokes (that is, at least the good ones). It just cheapens the experience, especially in a movie like this, when you've got a bunch of hipsters who are too ironic to be scared.

All in all, I'd highly recommend this as a truly scary movie. If you like the rush of being frightened and a couple nights of mild insomnia, then you should definitely see Paranormal 3. You won't regret it?

Toby agrees...

4/5

There's Just No Room in the Middle

I didn't really know what I was going to write about when I started this. I had ideas, thoughts perhaps, but not a full fledged composition. And maybe that's what I should do more often. Many (or is it few?) know that my release is often writing. Besides the old girl here I've written and subsequently deleted the beginnings of many stories. But those are for another time and place. No no, what I've come here for tonight at 1:02 in the morning is for a plea, a request even. I want some sense of intelligence to agree with me. Or at least I want myself to agree with me. I want to make a plea to none other than Logic.

I guess I've had much of what I've said and what I'm about to say in my mind for months, perhaps even years. It's not of great importance, I just don't think I've ever actually come out and said, or asked, it. I want to know why moderation, and being in the moderate perspective is such a forgotten and frowned-upon notion in the world. I have always been of the mindset that you make decisions based mostly on rational thought and then throw in your emotions, viewpoints, and other various aspects in if necessary or if they coincide with your decision. But this philosophy is all but dead in recent times. We have now substituted, or rather replaced, "moderate" with "mediocre." Though this is certainly not the case! Somewhere along the line, however, society decided that you must choose a side on every issue and stick to that side regardless.

This is true in many different areas. This would have been INCREDIBLY appropriate when the whole debt ceiling debate raged on down to the last minute. Since when has it been common practice to decide on a particular political name, then stick to some foregone ideology that could potentially bring down an entire nation? I'm not even being specific here, because both sides were guilty in that instance. In fact, many of the politicians literally signed a pledge which then somehow became irrevocable. And as a result of not showing some moderation? We are virtually within another recession and our economy has slowed to a crawl. Again, where did it become commonplace to say "I am part of X party, and I must follow these beliefs, to a T, without compromise, no matter what the cost may be?" How can humans function like this? In short: they cannot. Without compromise we are not human. We become animals, programmed to do things without thought or rationale: we do them because we decided, somewhere, that we are bound by some hidden code. This is a dangerous road. But again, it is becoming far too common.

This ideology now permeates every aspect of our lives. Take careers for example. No longer are you allowed to do something that somewhat interests you, but perhaps isn't your "dream job" or "passion;" but, you know it's a good career and it will not kill you. You are satisfied with it; no more, no less. Again, this is now considered "lazy." This generation, and the generations forthcoming are being taught that we must follow our "passion." If we don't love what we do, then we should quit and "follow our dreams." Am I saying that people never do what they want? Of course not! There are many people who absolutely love what they do and they are the lucky ones. But for the vast majority of us, we do what we do because it makes sense. We do what we do knowing that we are not defined by our job title but rather by who we are as a person. For me, that path is pharmacy. Do I love pharmacy? In all honesty I can tell you I do not (and those who read my blithering on Facebook and Twitter will likely agree). But do I hate it? Of course not. It mildly interests me, I moderately enjoy it, and to be honest I'm pretty damn good at it. But again, this thinking and this philosophy isn't allowed? "You don't love pharmacy? Well come on why did you do it then? You HAVE to love pharmacy. You HAVE to want to be the greatest pharmacist of all time." To those I respond no, I do not HAVE to do any of that. Do I aspire to be some all powerful head of a clinical team? Absolutely not. And for that I am "lazy." If that is the case so be it. If "lazy" means "doing a job well but not obsessing over it and then coming home to enjoy life" then yes, I am lazy. But when I am on the job, doing my duty, will I do it to the best of my ability? You bet your ass I will. And I'll be damn good at it, too. However, when I go home, I want to forget about it. I have always been incredibly (perhaps disturbingly) good at compartmentalizing, and my work is my work, and my life is my life. Do not confuse the two.

In fact, this issue permeates into relationships of any type it seems. It has to be all or nothing now. There is no "let's just see where it goes" any more. If we do not want to hang out with someone or (God forbid) we want time to ourselves for no other reason than to decompress through being alone, then that means we have a problem. Being alone for the sake of being alone is a foreign concept. That means we don't enjoy being with that person, be they friend, romantic, or otherwise. Why? Let's try and ask ourselves if we can think about the situation, once again, and maybe put ourselves in others' shoes. Perhaps if we understood that person's point of view, then maybe we could understand why they do what they do. But let's try to forget that whole jumping to conclusions and over-analyzing bullshit that we all seem to descend into.

I just realized that this post really had no point. There was no beginning, middle, or end. It was almost like a dream. I'm afraid I'm going to "wake up" and need some sort of totem. But I don't care because it's still all true. We all know it. So why can't we wake up? Loyalties and ideologies have been replaced by fanaticism and dogmas. There is no rational thought any more. So I ask you, where can someone such as myself fit in? Perhaps there is no place for me. Good riddance, I say.

Oh if there's random song lyrics in here I had my iPod on while typing this so some could have creeped their way in, through no fault of my own of course...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 Review

It is fitting that it begins with a lonely choral chant with the end in sight for many.

People always say audiences remember the beginning and they remember the end. And perhaps that is for the best with the Harry Potter series (of movies), save numbers 3 and 6, which proved to be quite good themselves. Number 1 and number 8 (or 7, part 2 if you wish) both revel in what makes them best. And perhaps that is why I'd call Deathly Hallows Part 2 at least the second, if not the best movie of the franchise.

We are really into uncharted territory as far as movies go. Never before has there been such a successful franchise that has been a series of this many movies. A continuous series, at that. For Part 2, Harry is trying to track down the last Horcruxes and ultimately realizes his own destiny and must find the courage to face it. Clearly, you all are familiar with Potter lore, and you don't need me to explain backstory.

Part 2, along with Part 1 and The Half-Blood Prince, all encompass truly emotional experiences. I'd give the edge to Part 2 due to the epic nature of the story and its finale. There are deaths abound in this movie, including fairly major characters, though they are somewhat glossed over. Still, they are treated with care and bring a gravitas to a franchise that started as a magical children's tale.

There are several parts that really shine in this movie, not the least of which is Mollie Weasley (THANK GOD) screaming at Bellatrix as per the book required. Another key high point is when the battle for Hogwarts begins. There are some really spectacular visual effects on display, and McGonagall truly blossoms here with leadership and poise. There's a sense of pride when the various professors are taking up arms, as it were, to defend their school and their students. The battles are intense in their own right, though Voldemort's army was quite a bit bigger than I had originally supposed it to be.

More moments come out as well. Harry entering the Pensieve and watching the key memory of Severus Snape was handled with a deft touch, something not always present throughout the series. And when we are returned to the present time, Harry's realization of what he is and what he must do is one of the absolute high points in the last 10 years of Potter. The music completely cuts out, and Harry is alone, standing, staring into nothing, but becoming aware of what his next step is. Further on down the line, when the Resurrection Stone makes its appearance, the family members that come to Harry's side truly break your heart. It is one of the most powerful scenes in the book, and here the film takes it almost verbatim and it remains virtually perfect: a moment of innocence, and of slight doubt in Harry, but also determination and honor.

Speaking of these moments, the Biblical allegories have been beefed up, it seems. Voldemort has truly become Satan, as his Parseltongue is nasty and chilling when speaking with Nagini. Harry is a Jesus figure of sorts, as once he realizes his destiny, he marches toward certain destruction. And when he is confronted with his family, he becomes human for that small moment, even asking, "Will it hurt?" and "Will you stay with me?" He does not want to be abandoned in his final hour. And Dumbledore, the God character, appearing in what is obviously Heaven (King's Cross, Harry seems to think), though much more pure and innocent in the movie than portrayed in the book. Still, that scene was one of my most anticipated, and it looked almost exactly as I had imagined (oh and the Voldemort baby is incredibly creepy).

But alas, this is not a perfect movie, and it seems to fall into some similar traps that the others did. When the movie deviates from the novel, it does not always keep the spirit of the novel. Sure there is a lot of information left out, which is to be expected in such a backstory-heavy series of books. But, when the filmmakers take certain scenes and modify them, they do not always work, in my mind, or make sense. For example, Voldemort is becoming weaker throughout the movie when each Horcrux is destroyed. Though this is hinted at in the novel, whenever Voldemort faces the Hogwarts army, he still is virtually all-powerful and incredibly frightening. He does not appear in the least bit weak, and that is his true fatal flaw. But in the movie, it's almost as if we were made to believe if he was not physically weaker in the final battle, he could not be killed. I could be over-analyzing, but I think it is a valid argument.

The other rather large issue I have involved Harry's true final battle with Voldemort. Sure the whole flying around Hogwarts thing was weird, but that's not even my chief complaint. I really had a problem with the moments after Harry wakes up from Hagrid's arms. First of all, Neville does not kill the snake (at least immediately). But more importantly, Harry dashes off, almost trying to hide and sort of "stealthily" kill Voldemort. This does not fit with Harry's character nor his self-realization that was just portrayed minutes before. At this moment, he is supposed to face Voldemort, and explain why he will beat him, then beat him. He is supposed to know that Voldemort cannot win and act almost fearlessly when facing him for the last time. Instead we get sort of an odd chase scene throughout the castle which inevitably ends back up with Harry facing a very weak Voldemort and winning with a (SILENT) Expelliarmus spell (why did they not yell their respective signature spells?!). Again, perhaps over-analyzing, but a valid point nonetheless.

And yes the movie deviates more from the plot, from Harry revealing to Aberforth that he is hunting Horcruxes to him telling Ron and Hermione good-bye, basically, near the end (something he refused to do in the book), to Harry not trying to keep Ginny away from battle. These don't have as much of an effect on the movie. However, I really did not like the complete skip of Harry repairing his old wand with the Elder Wand. Again, not a huge deal, but sort of symbolic in the book and I missed it.

What we are left with is an incredibly tense, highly emotional, ultimately epic finale that, for all intents and purposes, delivers. Many scenes will have you exclaiming, "That's EXACTLY what I thought it would look like!" while others will leave you slightly disappointed. That's the risk you take when making a novel into a film. What started as a magical twinkling of bells and a boy with a scar ends with three friends linked together by an incredible quest. You won't want it any other way.

Oh yeah, and there's a trailer for The Dark Knight Rises at the beginning...

4/5

No One Hates Rory McIlroy (Including Me)

Yeah it's a golf post...95% of you can stop reading now.

He does not have a flaw in his game. He has the "best swing ever." He is golf's next superstar. It's the opposite of Game of Thrones. The character easiest to hate has lost his head (for the moment) while the "good guy" seems to have risen to power. And of course everyone's happy. We've got a baby-faced kid who's nicer than your mom and less angry than the Pope who has just won a major by the lowest score to par in said major. And I, a long-time TW fan, am even impressed and happy for him, and a decent fan of his. But I've just got some apprehension about suddenly crowning him King of Golf.

First of all, he has won 1 major. And 1 non-major. Total. That other guy had won 3 tournaments by the time he won his first major and won 3 consecutive U.S. Amateur titles even before those. And then he won 67 more tournaments (yep).

He is also in possession of, apparently, the greatest swing of all time (yes this has been already said). Is he swing incredible? Currently it is. There are very few faults, save for a slight tendency to flip the club before a proper release, resulting in a pull-hook (see the 2011 Masters, Round 4). It has been postulated that without any faults in the swing, he could continue this forever. I mean, if you're perfect, you should be able to be perfect all the time, no? I have a few questions: others have been lauded to have impeccable swings as well, most recently Tiger in his prime with Hank Haney. And yet somehow, things can go awry. Secondly, who is to say that Rory's swing doesn't cause significant damage to his knee or his leg as well? He certainly loads his left leg just as much as most other golfers, and this creates an incredible strain on those joints, most notable the ACL and MCL. Don't believe me? Watch the flex in his knee:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMKwEflZYVs

Moving on to Rory the person I suppose. Sure NOW he's nice, well-mannered, and relatively gentle. He's also 22 years old. It is completely in the realm of possibility for him to change as he finds a little more success now, is it not? I am not rooting for him to fail, and I don't think anyone is (a point I will discuss in just a minute), but I will watch with great interest who he really turns out to be. It's easy to be a good person in success. It's almost easier to be a bad one.

And this brings me to perhaps my most important theory, argument, or whatever you want to call it. No one hates him. Everyone seems to like him well enough. And he pleases everyone. But I ask you, in sports, is that really all that interesting? Part of what makes Tiger a fascinating character to watch is how he polarizes golf fans to such a staggering degree. And this didn't start with Turkey Day Tree Trouble (that's what I like to call it). He swears on course (as does, if I had to guess, 99.95% of all people on a golf course and most certainly including yours truly), he gets excited, he gets angry, he gives fist pumps, he throws clubs...he thrives on pressure and, as he says, all that matters is "The W." Golf has been and for the most part still is a rich, fat, drunken, smoking, white guy's game and all of sudden this, GASP, HALF-black kid (or whatever the fraction is) came onto the scene and totally degraded the other golfers.

And you know what? All those rich, fat, drunk, smoking, white guys got a little pissed. But he inspired a whole new generation of golfers. Those who grew up with him and began to golf because of him play golf as a SPORT, and not just some past time where we go out and hit a ball around, more as a means to drink beer and smoke cigars than actually compete and play well. You know what? If I wanted to drink beer and smoke cigars, I'd go to a bar or sit on someone's porch. I wouldn't spend at least $30 dollars to not care about what my score is. But to us golf is a sport; we want to do well, hell, we want to fuckin' WIN.

So that's why I don't know what to make of Glory Rory Hallelujah. I like him, and I think with a little more personality he could be great for the sport. But, and we can thank Twitter, Facebook, Ritalin, and our general lack of being able to sit still for more than 30 seconds, we are so quick to judge and to make bold, sweeping predictions, that I think we have to really give him some time before saying, "You know he is the best player I've ever seen" (really, Graeme McDowell, REALLY?). It seems that Rory might need a little more aggression, a little more anger, a little more SOMETHING. Tiger wears red on Sunday because it symbols aggression. Rory wore various stages of baby blue throughout the weekend, including Sunday, symbolizing that...umm...it's a boy! (?) He talked about being more selfish and getting more aggressive, but I still wanna see more. Give me a reason to cheer for you, but give people a reason to hate you...you'll be more popular, and perhaps more successful for it.

But don't ever count out The Return of the King...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 Review

Well well...I have only written one other review at 3 am before, and that was for The Dark Knight which, of course, is understandable. I am more writing this review because I feel I will lose some of it as I sleep in tomorrow (or today, technically) because no-class-Fridays are awesome. However, I do digress (as I often tend to) and I really should talk about why I spent the better half of Thursday night in a packed movie theater.

Harry Potter. You may or may not have heard of him. He basically is a really good golfer that had an affair with a bunch of women then...oops sorry my bad. Yeah y'all know who he is, and to be honest y'all know how the story begins, middles (?), and ends. So I'm not gonna give you a lot of detail. Harry Potter ends up killing Lord Voldemort by destroying the Horcruxes he was sent to find by Dumbledore.

Except, not quite yet. See the people in charge of the series decided (wisely, I might add) to split the final film up into two separate parts, a la Kill Bill, though the latter is a much better film. Still, this movie definitely holds up on its own thanks to great character exploration and true humanity, something the Potter movies don't normally delve into, with the exception of the previous film, The Half-Blood Prince. This movie goes through the novel relatively well up until the escape from Malfoy Manor and Voldemort's theft of the Elder Wand from Dumbledore (and stops really at the only place it could). Along the way some key points are left out, the first of which is Harry's departure from the Dursley's. In the book, there is actually a very poignant moment between Harry and Dudley that is surprising and refreshing, yet we get none of that here.

Also I kind of wish Voldemort carried a little more gravitas. He should be this menacing, diabolical, almost Hitler-like character but it's almost like he isn't evil enough or something. It's hard to describe but I feel as if I should fear him more than I do. There are a few other moments skipped over and details left out (one important one being Harry not under disguise during the wedding), but for the most part this is a faithful adaptation. In fact, some lines are directly lifted from the text itself which is also a nice change of pace for these movies...

...except for two major issues I have. First, there is a lot of humor in the movie. I still haven't decided whether I am totally on board with this, because this last installment deals with a lot of serious and more mature issues. I suppose 17 year-olds would make the types of jokes shown and things of that nature, but some of it felt forced and to me, cheapened the experience. For the most part I was completely drawn in, and perhaps watching it with less than a sold out theater might change my opinion, but I wanted a slightly more serious experience.

Also, this pseudo-romance between Harry and Hermione (after Ron leaves) is exaggerated far too much, in my opinion. We do get some very slight temptations in the novel itself, but nothing like what happened in the movie. For the rest of story, and actually for the rest of Harry's, Ron's, and Hermione's life to be believable, this was too much. And seriously, guys, enough with these awkward dance scenes. It basically killed Spider-Man 3 (which I still say, without the dance scene, is actually a great comic-book movie) and it is so cheesy and awkward here in HP. It's basically a waste of 5 minutes of film and develops the characters in an awkward and creepy light.

From the sound of things, you'd think I hated it. Often is the case when I watch movies, but by no means did I dislike this movie. Quite the contrary: I enjoyed it immensely. These movies have become events and the directors and cinematographers treat each book with more and more care (sans most of Order of the Phoenix). There are some truly spectacular sequences in the movie, one of my favorites being the chase through the woods. Here we get some contemporary, mature cinematography against a, for the most part, kids story. I really appreciate how the characters have grown up because we have seen them go through it all on screen (although Harry is starting to look just a bit too old). While the characters themselves aren't exactly in line with Rowling's vision, the actors' own take on them is no less appropriate and interesting. They all are exponentially better than when they started out, and with an all-star supporting cast, one of my favorites being Bill Nighy as Rufus Scrimgeour, the acting really doesn't hurt the movie like it has sometimes in the past. In fact, in some of the camping scenes it's downright good and shows each of the actors' growth.

Also, some of the shots we get to see are exquisite. They really know how to frame the characters now, and the movie develops a style of its own. Despite what I said about the humor, the movie is dark and more grim than the Harry we are used to seeing, and for me that's all the better. Sometimes it's alright for a movie to want to enthrall us and invest in the story and characters, rather than be purely "escapist." In fact, there is a lot of imagery and even mythology in this movie that sort of boosts the experience. The biggest example is the direct comparison of Voldemort and the Death Eaters to Hitler and the Nazis. Officials in the Ministry of Magic even wear red bands around their arms, which is quite obvious to anyone with a 6th grade education, but still a nice touch. And even though I explained earlier that I'd like to fear Voldemort more, he carries a more Satanic image in this movie more than any other. For example, in the near-final frame, we see his menacing face peer into Dumbledore's grave, almost in a "God vs. Satan" image. It could be just my interpretation, but it seemed as though the makers went out of their way to make the comparison.

So it's good. It's not necessarily "surprisingly" good, but it's very good nonetheless. Obviously you need to know your Potter and you will appreciate it more for the same reason, but it's still a very well-made, engrossing film. And the first shot of Dobby standing on the beach after the escape from Malfoy Manor is truly the defining portrait and the one you will remember the most. I can say I definitely recommend this flawed, but great beginning to the end.

It's 10 inches, not much...

4/5

Oh Yeah I'll Grind YOUR Gears

Well well well. In truth, I did not expect to be back here. I mean, my last post was about Paranormal Activity almost a year ago (and they're making a sequel? For shame). Yes, I still use parentheses. Yes, I may make irreverent comments at times. And yes (I tend to say things in threes), I actually am writing in this blog once more. Why? WHY? What do you mean why? Oh...right. Basically, I need to vent. I don't have many people, if any (and that was really pitiful I did not mean for it to sound that way I just know I hate to vent to actual people because I would rather make them laugh instead of make them "listen"), to vent to, so I figure hey a computer screen is almost the same nowadays, right? Right. Yes, the grinding of the gears in the title implies some sort of complaining/ranting, but I like to explain things. Don't you?

In the world today, throughout the media and really life in general, it seems we have gone from "political correctness" to "don't say anything about anyone at any time because it might offend/hurt/be the truth/be actually what you mean about them." I see this more and more on TV, and to give a specific example, with athletes. Why is it when, for instance, a reporter were to ask a player or a coach at the END of a game, not even in the middle, "What was the key thing that led you guys to victory?" What's the response you get the majority of the time? "Well we just played as a team. We were confident. We just did well on offense and stopped them on defense." Thanks for that wonderfully specific comment Mr. Favre (did I say Favre?). Why is it that we aren't allowed to answer questions any more? I even found myself doing it once during some random-ass class assignment. Someone asked me a question, to give my opinion on something, and I responded "It depends." IT DEPENDS? What kind of idiotic response is that? We're all so protective of some unknown integrity when we talk any more it's like we just constantly add on to one big lie. I wish I knew where this all started but I don't. All I know is it bugs the SHIT out of me and when I catch myself doing it I give my brain a slap and try to answer with something REAL.

Perpetrators: Tiger Woods (still my man), Brett Favre (just say you sent those texts to that "massage therapist"), 99% of coaches of any sport (Bill Belichick for sure) and oh yeah POLITICIANS

Another thing, and this may be because I have just had enough of school in general, is when teachers just flat out lie to your face. It has happened since kindergarten, well maybe not then because let's be honest, if you didn't already know everything kindergarten had to teach before you even took it then you probably were Sarah Palin or Paris Hilton or Roger Clemens (these out of date, stupid celebrity references doing anything for you?). But my favorite statement that I hear, over and over, is "Oh on the test we won't try to trick you." HA HA HA HA HA. Really? You expect me to believe that? Show me a multiple choice question that DOESN'T contain the choices "E. All of the above F. None of the above" and THEN I'll believe you are not trying to trick me. I would almost (almost) be okay with it if they just directly told us, "Look these test questions are made for you to MISS them. If you get them right it's like you beat the system." Do not give me four answers that all sound correct and then two answers that just make me doubt my own intelligence and say, "Oh this is straightforward." Because it's NOT. It just isn't, and the thing is they all know it too. Which is why I would love it if someone just said it, instead of fooling everyone, including themselves, into thinking they are trying to "help" us.

And now, I am rereading what I have written (it's fairly short at least), and my GOD is it self-indulgent. Maybe that's what I need though, a little self-indulgence (Monopoly at McDonald's does not count...that's mandatory). I worry what people will think once they read what I have written but I also know that I need to write. I need to write...pff. Listen to that. Even THAT is self-indulgent. But still that's me. Why, I do not know. I have always had the urge to write whether people think it's good (please!) or bad (more likely). When I speak, all that comes out is pretty much a mix of several personalities I have taken from various movies and TV shows, throw in healthy doses of sarcasm and cursing, along with a little idiocy, and you've got my spoken language. But when I write, I feel like I can at least explain myself. And what do you know, I connected the end with the beginning. Sometimes I amaze even myself.

Okay NOW you can go "wow...what a douche."

Paranormal Activity Review

Has it really been since August 23, kiddies? I suppose it has. But alas I finally have not only something to write about, but more importantly TIME to write it. After what seems like endless exams, I had the opportunity to see a little (literally) movie called, "Paranormal Activity." You've all heard the hype and the mayhem. Well maybe not mayhem, but there's certainly been a lot of talk about this $11,000 dollar horror flick. And let me tell you, first hand: believe the hype. This is the first movie that has scared me in a long time. A very long time. I may have trouble sleeping tonight, and that's the point. This is a movie that doesn't just jump out and give you a quick fright, throw a bunch of blood at you, and call it a day. This is a movie that develops characters (quite quickly, I might add) and then slowly and methodically induces its chills. It's delightfully creepy.

The story revolves around a couple, Katie and Micah, living in their house, who then decide (one more resolutely than the other) to document some strange happenings that have been going on recently. As they begin to document their lives, things progress and begin to get more intense as the film goes on. So as not to spoil the whole point of the movie, that is about as far as I can go.

What really surprised me was how much I ended up caring about the characters. Filmed in a mockumentary style, it's more like a home video than a movie proper. And the actors themselves act in a very realistic way, perhaps a credit to the relatively unscripted plot of the movie. You begin to appreciate their personalities, a surprising feat for a horror movie. I am just surprised that the characters were developed in such a short amount of time that I ended up caring about them very quickly. And of course it helps that much of the first part of the movie is introductory material, to lull the audience into a sense of complacency.

And that complacency is really what drives the entire movie. You see, the scares are not about what happens, but what doesn't happen and what you anticipate might happen. It's about what you can't see and what you train your eyes to attempt to see. The movie plays with your senses PERFECTLY, a testament to a good scary movie. And as it is doing this, it is enthralling you. You spend effort concentrating and listening in for something, ANYthing you can get. Then the movie gets you. I want to tell you more about the actual details of the scares but it will ruin the entire build-up and subsequently the entire movie. Suffice it to say, they are all perfectly executed, each one building on the last, and when you see the night vision and the clock in the corner slow down, you will be on edge, talking to yourself, saying, "No no...that can't be...no no...don't." First time I've ever done that in the theater. Ever.

While the build-up to each scare is tremendous, sometimes the pacing does seem a bit off. The first couple of frights you may feel are light, and you may begin to doubt the movie. But listen to me when I say you must keep going because you will be rewarded...and by "reward" I mean scared to death. Also the "mockumentary" style may turn some off because it reminds them of the "Blair Witch Project" (although I still say that was also frightening). But you must also keep in mind that's the point of the movie. And that's what makes it work.

Bottom line (I am a bottom line guy): the movie works. The style, the ambience, the false sense of security, and the freak outs. They all work seamlessly. This shows that horror movies don't have to be crazy monsters and the new, terrible phase of "torture porn" (I'm looking at you Saw). Horror is more in the delivery than the actual act. And finally a movie scared me and might give me some trouble sleeping!

Sometimes it's good to be frightened.

4/5